Submitted by Heather (via email)

Women's Advice To Men
* The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE 
  actually change our underwear. 
* The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take 
  a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim. 
* If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's the butts. 
* If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday. 
* Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the 
  movie. 
* Don't fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day. 
* Please don't drive when you're not driving. 
* Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime. 
* Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths 
  you take. 
* If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed. 
* The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of 
  accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts. 
* If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of 
  "who's easy"? 
* Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care. 
* When you're not around, I belch loudly, too. 
* Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life--you'll 
  never see the 'island' coming. 
* Have a strong need for male bonding? Visit your proctologist. 
* Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that y 
  chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed. 
* Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level. 
* Your balding is a good thing--it subsidizes our hair care expenses.